Good News and Racist News

QUOTE OF THE DAY
COWORKER: So how long have you lived in Harvard?
ME: Only about a month.
COWORKER: Well, there are a whole lot of Mexicans here.
ME: Wow.
COWORKER: I'm not being racist. I just thought you should know.

So I got a real job. But it is so humiliating that I refuse to tell any of you what it is. Just know that I have absolutely no standards anymore. On the plus side, Martin is paying me in comics. Look at the awesome MySpace I designed him!

Anyway, I am very excited about my job even though it blows because:

a.) I got to sit all day and watch ridiculous harassment videos that apparently don't work because of the aforementioned racism. My favorite part of the harassment videos was a tie between these two exchanges:
-EMPLOYEE #1: Hey, where's Jose?
-EMPLOYEE #2: He's probably taking another of his siestas.

and

-EMPLOYEE #1: Do you want to play a game of basketball at lunch?
-EMPLOYEE #2: Sure. Let's ask that new black employee from the warehouse.

AWESOME.

b.) I will be getting actual moneys which means no more debt and getting to visit home + Karel!!! My cousin Nikki also just moved up to Chicago and I'm going to go see her this weekend, but there's two problems in that she wants to go to the Pride Parade, which horrifying, and also she's distressed because the only friends she made since she's moved up were recently robbed at gunpoint. So I can't wait to visit her neighborhood!

So all in all, I think this best describes my current mood:

Oh, fat kid playing drums. How often you've brought joy back into my life.

Ok, ok, so I have a huge naughty for neglecting the blogalogga, but whatevs, you don't own me. I got to meet the state's attorney at work today, which was cool, but then I had to go back to filing traffic tickets and planning my suicide. Word of warning: wear your fricking seat belt in Glen Carbon, because I spent 3 hours today filing like 300 seatbelt tickets. Other than that, I'm hungry and I had fun seeing everyone at Adria's birthday the other night! Justin, I miss you, bring that sexy boy toy of yours and come visit us.

Dedicated to Sydney

So Dustin's mom, Sheryl came up to my mom at work the other day said she found this picture of me in her things and wanted my mom to have it. She handed her this:



Sheryl didn't explain the condition of the photo and went on as if everything was normal, so it was up to my mom to ask exactly why the picture was unceremoniously chopped in half. You see, Sheryl had cut Dustin out of the picture in order to save myself and Sydney the pain of seeing him again. Seriously. One year and one empty marriage later and they're still being overly dramatic about everything. But Dustin is so over Sydney. SO over her. Definitely not a psychotic stalker. Not ever.

Thought you'd get a kick out of that, Syd. I sure did. While keeping us from having to look at him may be over the top, at least she helped us be able to focus on the hotness that is the Justin/Sydney Prom couple. I love you!

Oh, also:



JULY 18TH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New Me / Old Me

QUOTE OF THE DAY
JOHN, CHRIS' LITTLE BROTHER: I don't know if this makes me a bad person for saying it, but I had never seen her close up, she was so ugly - just her face, and her jean short-shorts...
ME: John, that makes HER a bad person.

Sometimes I feel it becomes my responsibility to teach John valuable life lessons that he is not learning from homeschooling. And then he teaches me about things like this:
www.pounced.org
Yes, that is a dating website for furries, where you can sort by gender, location, and SPECIES!!!!!!!!!!! Some of them are a little ridiculous. I don't think Dinosaurs should really be a furry fandom.
A personal favorite. I like how she's open to all species, but she is "cautious" of dragons. So happy right now.

Other news: You may have heard that I got really close to making a friend. Unfortunately, that didn't really work out. He was more interested in a threesome and said the word "cock" at least 19 times. Very awkward car ride. So I am still at 0 friends, but I have managed to bump up another enemy, this time an evil crosswalk bitch. I'm 21 years old!!!!!!!! I know how to cross a two-lane street in Nowhereville Hick Town, Illinois! But this woman literally yells at me every time because I don't wait for her to get exactly in the middle of the road before I start walking. If a person could be a pro at walking across the street, I would have earned my badges thrice over!

So I randomly came across THE best birthday present for Chris in the dollar bin at WalMart. It's a low-budget kid's show called Nanna's Cottage. It is unbelievably tacky. How unbelievably?

Just imagine an hour and a half of that.

So I've been having a lot of serious thoughts lately about my life, and I guess it's being away from home that is making me super nostalgic. But it also just so happens that karma is finally kicking in too, just about three years too late. High school me is about to faint with excitement, while present me is being rational and retrospective. Anyway, it's left me with what can only be described as a "warm, fuzzy" sensation, and I'm taking time to do things I've been saying I wanted to do for a long time, first and foremost calling Brandon Sunderlik because I've missed that kid like whoa, but there's a whole list of people I've let myself grow apart from. Andy Smith, you're next, chief!