A Blog to Destroy All Other Blogs, If It Was In A Deathmatch Type Situation For Whatever Reasons

Seeing as our goal of owning a mansion named Zeppelinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn is still years away, and seeing as Jude Law is still not our friend and the Cheese Bottle suffered an untimely death (RIP), Caitlin and I felt that it would be comforting and well-suited to name our blog after our future home. I have to say that I am very upset that Xanga has self-destructed. I leave it with a lot of fond memories.

Here are some things on my mind today:

I am still sick.
And I am super pissed-off about it. I have been sick for six days. It's getting ridiculous. I do have a doctor's appointment today with someone called only "Larry." So we'll see how that goes. Anyway, here is my most interesting sick story, which happened yesterday.

I was supposed to work at Target at 9, which I was not feeling since I was, as previously mentioned, sick. Anyway, I had made it through several days prior so I thought I'd man-up and at least try. Anyway, I'm about to leave when my nose starts bleeding uncontrollably all over. It gets all over my work clothes so I have to change in addition to cleaning off every other surface around me at the time. So of course I miss the bus and I now have to walk. I'm about halfway there when I finally have a breakdown and start throwing up on the bike trail in front of this elderly woman who's jogging by and she starts freaking out and trying to comfort me and keeps touching me and trying to give me a backrub, which of course just sends me further into a psychotic fit that is me attempting to deal with stress. By the time I get to Target (because I didn't give up with throwing up in nature, no), I'm literally shaking, I'm mean and indignant, my hair resembles Peter Petrelli on crack, and I'm two seconds from crying. So they send me home. It's awesome.

Ryan Gosling
So if you are my friend on Facebook, which you probably are if you are reading this, you may remember a post I made a couple months back about the terrifying invention called Real Dolls. If you didn't, go find it immediately and watch the documentary. Anyway, now it seems that Ryan Gosling is going to be in a movie called "Lars and the Real Girl" where he is in love with a Real Doll. I am horrified. I was really hoping that the only people who had these things were the four people in the documentary. Now I see there is enough of a fanbase for a theatrical movie. Jesus Christ. These are the end times!!!!!!!!!!!!

Attention Whores
I do not like attention whores and this is why: they are time wasters. And I like my time! Generally, a conversation with an attention whore will go something like this:

ATTENTION WHORE: Hey, I haven't talked to you in awhile. I've missed you. Where have you been?
YOU: I'm not sure. I thought I was right here. Well, we should do something.
ATTENTION WHORE: Definitely!
YOU: How about Thursday?
ATTENTION WHORE: Sure, give me a call.

[the call will not be answered, and then one week later]

ATTENTION WHORE: Hey, I haven't talked to you in awhile. I was just sitting here thinking about you. Where have you been?

Maybe I missed something and I am the only person in the world with the ability to dial a fucking phone or make plans. At this point, I would not even be surprised. The thing is I can't escape it and it is because I am too nice. I know, shocking. I am just built to believe whatever bullshit line is handed to me and look for the best in everyone. Some people just want to be wanted though. Lola Ray has a song called "Beautiful Boy" (download it!) and it goes: I don't love you, so come love me. These people are desperate for it. When you're actually trying to call or converse, they have no interest, but oh damn, if you leave them alone for too long! The exciting part is when you figure it out, then you can start taking pleasure in driving them crazy. If you're lucky, like me, you might even get an emo text message out of it that says: "Do you hate me?" I imagine it reading like when Paula Abdul says "I'm tiiiiiiiiiired." "Do you haaaaaaate me? -sad face/solitary tear-" Why yes, I do actually. Funny you bring that up.

Anyway, I am an attention whore magnet like whoa. I am not happy.

Moon Shoes
Watch this YouTube video - DO IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!! If you enjoy kids in yelling in pain (which who doesn't), you will enjoy this as much as I did. And no, I will not tell you how I came across this. Nice try.

Soulja Boy
I have learned that dance. Ask me to do it! Maybe I will film it and put in on YouTube.

Going on a Date
Today. At 3:30. Even though I'm gross and sick. With a possible attention whore. It's being debated. I got a Buffy pick-up line used on me though, and there's no defense for that.

Beauty and the Geek
Is owning. Even though Jen and William are still around. That's pissing me off. Let's hope they kill each other in Mexico like the preview suggests! Also, topscale dolphins!!!!!

Until next time,
See you later, calculator.

PS:


I <3 Dennis the most.